Many people who experience gaslighting find it difficult to describe what is happening.
You might notice that you have started to doubt your own memory or judgment, or that you often feel confused after conversations with a particular person. You might leave an interaction feeling as though you were in the wrong, even when something does not quite add up.
These experiences can be unsettling and hard to put into words, especially when they happen gradually and within relationships that also include good moments.
If this sounds familiar, understanding what gaslighting is and how it can affect you may be a useful starting point.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a pattern of behaviour in which one person causes another to question their own perceptions, memory, or feelings.
The term comes from a 1944 film in which a character uses subtle manipulation to make his partner believe she is imagining things. Over time, it has come to describe a recognised pattern that can occur in personal relationships, workplaces, and family dynamics.
It is worth noting that gaslighting is not the same as disagreeing or misremembering. What makes it a distinct pattern is the consistent and repeated nature of the behaviour, and the effect it has on the person on the receiving end over time.
Common Signs of Gaslighting
Gaslighting rarely looks the same in every situation. Some patterns that are commonly reported include:
- Being told that something did not happen, or that it happened differently to how you remember
- Having your feelings dismissed or minimised, with responses such as “you are being too sensitive” or “you are overreacting”
- Being made to feel as though your concerns are unreasonable
- Noticing that conversations often end with you feeling confused, apologetic, or at fault
- Finding yourself second-guessing your own recollections, even when you felt certain of them
- Starting to rely on another person’s account of events rather than your own
- Feeling as though you can never quite get things right with a particular person
Not all of these will be present in every situation, and the way they show up can vary depending on the relationship.
Why It Can Be Hard to Recognise
One of the reasons gaslighting can be difficult to identify is that it tends to happen gradually.
Each individual incident can seem minor, and there is often a mix of positive and difficult experiences within the same relationship. This can make it harder to step back and see the broader pattern.
It is also common to internalise the doubt. After repeatedly being told your version of events is wrong, you may begin to believe it yourself. This can make it harder to trust your own instincts, even with people outside the relationship.
Recognising gaslighting does not require certainty. For many people, the starting point is simply noticing that something does not feel right and giving themselves permission to explore that.
The Effect on Mental Health
Over time, experiencing gaslighting can have a real impact on mental health.
Anxiety is a common response. When you cannot trust your own perceptions of a relationship or environment, it can create a persistent low-level sense of unease or vigilance.
Confidence and self-esteem can also be affected. If your thoughts, feelings, and recollections are regularly dismissed, it can become harder to trust your own judgement more broadly.
Some people experience low mood, persistent self-doubt, or a sense of confusion about who they are and what they need.
These experiences can be further compounded by a sense of isolation, particularly if the relationship has involved others being drawn in, or if the person has come to feel that no one else would understand.
Making Sense of Your Experience
If some of what is described here resonates, there are some useful starting points.
Keeping a record of events as they happen can help you hold onto your own account, particularly if your recollections are regularly questioned.
Talking to a trusted person outside the relationship can offer perspective. Speaking with a professional can provide a confidential space to work through what you have been experiencing.
It is also worth naming to yourself that your feelings and experiences are valid. Feeling confused or unsettled in a relationship does not mean your perceptions are wrong.
Recovery from the effects of gaslighting takes time. The process often involves gradually rebuilding trust in your own judgement and developing a clearer understanding of what you need and deserve in relationships.
When Extra Support Might Help
Sometimes understanding the situation and naming it is a meaningful step forward on its own. At other times, the effects on mental health may be more significant and benefit from additional support.
If you are experiencing persistent anxiety, low mood, difficulty trusting your own perceptions, or a loss of confidence that is affecting your daily life, speaking with a professional who can offer a safe and confidential space may be a helpful next step.
Support Is Available at Mind-Care
At Mind-Care, we support people navigating a range of complex interpersonal and emotional experiences, including the effects of gaslighting and relationship-related stress.
Support involves understanding your experience in context and finding practical ways forward that are grounded in what matters to you.
Support is available via secure telehealth, making it accessible regardless of location, as well as at our Charlestown practice.
Taking the Next Step
If what you have read here resonates, speaking with your GP can be a helpful starting point. They can help you work through what may be contributing and discuss options for support.
You are also welcome to:
- Book an appointment through our online booking portal
- Contact our team to discuss your needs
Taking the first step can be as simple as starting a conversation.
Frequently Asked Questions About Gaslighting
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a pattern of behaviour in which one person causes another to question their own perceptions, memory, or feelings. It typically occurs within a close relationship and tends to develop gradually over time.
What are the signs of gaslighting?
Common signs include having your memory disputed, feeling dismissed or told you are too sensitive, consistently leaving interactions feeling confused or at fault, and beginning to doubt your own recollections even when you felt certain of them.
Can gaslighting affect mental health?
Yes. Over time, gaslighting can contribute to anxiety, low self-esteem, persistent self-doubt, and low mood. These effects can develop gradually and may persist after the relationship ends.
What should I do if I think I am experiencing gaslighting?
Speaking with a trusted person and keeping a record of events can be helpful starting points. Speaking with a GP or mental health professional can provide additional support and help you make sense of your experience.
Is gaslighting always intentional?
Not always. Some gaslighting behaviour is deliberate, while in other cases, the person may not be aware of the impact of their behaviour. From a mental health perspective, what matters most is the effect on the person experiencing it, regardless of intent.
Further Reading and Resources
The following resources provide additional information on gaslighting and its effects on mental health:
